Forced Goodbye

 

 

‘We shouldn’t be doing this.’

This thought enters my mind for a brief second, but then I look at you and the look your giving me predatory. Just like that, my mind can focus on is you. You raise your hand to tug the wild strand of hair which you can never tame.

‘So I was thinking’ I mumble but we both know it’s a lie. How can I make even one sane thought when you’re looking at me like that. Like I’m the sun after ten years of rain. We move closer and suddenly it’s all too much.

We meet midway and there is a clash of lips, teeth and more. What had started I a frenzy slows down and the kiss becomes passionate. Soon the kissing turns into touching and then some. And once again we’re doing it.

I meet you again a few days later. You have circles under your eyes and it looks like you haven’t been sleeping. You smile but I know it’s fake. But we don’t talk about it, we never do. It would just lead to unnecessary fights and we both have a huge ass ego to apologize first. So instead we do what we always do best, ignore the problem until it goes away. We talk, you laugh and nothing else matters at that moment. When you hug me that day, it feels like a goodbye.

You text me it’s over that day. I call, you answer and I shout. Calling you names and telling you that you’re a coward for breaking up with me over a text and whatnot, you still don’t say a word. I get it, I really do but it still hurts.

Over the next few months, you cut all ties with me and I’m left alone to pick up the pieces of my broken heart. I understand your reasons but that doesn’t mean I agree with them. After-all, it’s morally and legally wrong for us to be together. The society can’t deal with two girls dating and you’re too afraid to fight against it.

It’s a year later that I get to know that you are getting married to some guy your parents wanted you to. I hope you have a happy marriage but how can that be when you hide such an important part of yourself from him. I still hope that you’ll confess and wouldn’t be stuck in a loveless marriage. But you don’t and get married, moving on in your life.

As for me, I make a promise to myself that I will fight, I will fight until people like us get justice, until we are not shunned and forced to hide. Girls can kiss girls and boys can kiss boys, life is too short to worry about these things. Love is love and I will fight with this belief until there are no more forced goodbyes.

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The kiss of death

Have there been times in your life where you just want to give up? You are so tired of all the noise, the pain, the guilt that it starts to suffocate you? You have trouble breathing and feel like the weight of the entire world was crushing you.

You feel like you are drowning and yet you aren’t. and you know what the worst part is? The worst part is that you don’t mind, you just don’t care anymore. Infact, the more you think about it, the more this idea appeals to you.

You realize that this is bad, but then some people might see the light at the end of the tunnel but don’t. Frankly you don’t even want to put in the effort that it takes. The effort that seems to pull you down every minute that you are breathing.

So with your mind set, you take out knifes, sharp and dangerous, with its tip glinting in the light.

You start small, one straight line across your wrist. It’s not deep enough to 

be fatal but you like the sensation, the physical pain distracting you from the emotional one. You get bolder with every stroke and finally the blood lost is too much. You see dark spots and finally, after such a long time, feel weightless.

That day, you greet death like an old friend.

THE RIGHT TO LOVE

From the moment that we are born, there is only one emotion that we experience fully. An emotion that is  encouraged by the society as a norm. And it’s called LOVE.

Love has many forms but what I’m talking about is the attraction between two people. As long as you stick to the social norms, all is well and good. But the moment you feel an attraction towards a member of your sex or anyone who doesn’t fall in the category of the two socially approved genders, it becomes a problem. You are looked down upon as a freak of nature, an abomination who has committed the most heinous crime, the crime of love.

The hypocrisy of the society becomes evident now. We are taught to love everyone equally whether it’s a man or a women. As you grow up you realize that this is sadly not true, you cannot fall in love with anyone whom you want to. You have to stick to the checklist, people not on the checklist are a big NO.

Attraction to someone of your sex is a taboo. You’re constantly told that it is a phase, it’ll pass, you’ll grow out of it or that it’s just your way of rebelling. When they realize it’s not a phase, you’re shunned. You are made to feel like your feelings don’t matter at all.

The society expects you to change so that it’s not forced to change. Overtime you might get lucky and find people who accept you for who you are. But think of the people who don’t.

Think of the people who live their entire life in hiding because they were afraid to come out. People who are disowned by their families, their own blood, just because they were different. Think about the 16 year old kid who’s terrified just because they like the sex people. Now imagine living your entire life as a lie and in oppression just because a few assholes were afraid of change.

This is what I want you to think about when you go to sleep tonight.

 

THE UNIFORM CIVIL CODE

India is known as a very diverse country where people differ in tastes, customs religions and many more things. In order to accommodate such such different citizens, our constitution makers agreed tat every community must be governed by different laws based on their customs and beliefs.

This system worked-out well in the beginning but the laws were challenged in 1985 in the historic Shah Bano case where a woman belonging to the Muslim community was divorced after 40 years of marriage. She sought maintenance from her husband. This case brought forward the concept of a Uniform Civil Code (UCC) to be followed throughout India irrespective of a persons religion.
UCC is applicable through Article 44 of the Indian constitution. It proposes that all personal laws governing the religious communities should be replaced with a set of common laws. As of now, UCC has been enforced only in Goa.
While the UCC sounds like a really good idea in theory, reality begs to differ. In a country like India where fights breakout when someone tries to tell you which Khan is better, imagine the uproar the UCC will cause.
In the Union Territory of India, family life is and has always been governed by religious and customary beliefs. It is like a discipline that had been followed by our ancestors for generations. Yes, while I admit that there are flaws in these methods, but they have been very efficient and have helped us shape our society as it is today.
The UCC also violates Article 25 of the Indian Constitution which states that every citizen has a fundamental right to Freedom of Conscience and free profession, practice and propagation of religion. Most importantly, it violates the principal of Secularism mentioned in the Preamble. A secular state is not supposed to interfere with the religious beliefs of its citizens.
The UCC more often than not, is mentioned during the elections in order to generate a vote bank for the politicians. In a country where due to the verdicts and ideologies of extreme right wing groups and khap panchayats, honor killings are carried out and family members are disowned, one can predict the unrest and violence the decision to implement and enforce the UCC will cause.
In my opinion, the UCC if enforced will be used as a tool for minority bashing. As it is, their customs and practices are on the verge of being wiped out because of their small population. We all should be proud of the customs we follow and if by chance someone wants to breakout of these rules, laws have been made for them. For example, if someone wants to get married outside the boundaries of their religion, the parliament has enacted the secular laws of marriage (The special marriage act, 1954) that provides a system of marriage irrespective of the religion and faith followed by either party. There are other acts that protect the interests of these parties as well.
India has come a long way since Independence and is know for protecting and respecting the customs and beliefs of its people. We shouldn’t ruin this image by implementing the UCC. After-all every man is born free.
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You thought you’ve said your goodbye

But we both know it’s a complete lie.

Forever in your heart, I still remain

Why? Why put yourself through so much pain

Outside you’ve lied, but inside you’ve cried

And now its time to mend

Your broken heart

All you have to do is come back

And I greet you with open arms

I’m still here and you’re not going anywhere

We are finally complete.

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I’m stuck in a magical realm

Of which you are the ruler, it seems.

You’re a witch, the best of your kind,

Lost in you, its myself that I find.

The shocking truth is that I want you

All of you, your heart, soul and mind

Oh! You’ve cast a spell on me

Frozen I watch you helplessly.

As you work your magic on me

Something in me clicks, a missing piece

We belong together, you and me

Until after the end of time

It’s you and I, you and I.

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Your image etched into my mind

Your laughter, the sweetest sound

Oh! What all I would do

To make you mine

From you, I’m forever looking for a sign.

Tell me you want me,

Just like I want you.

Tell me you love me too

You’ve been gone for far too long

Its time to finally come home

Let them stare, let them see

Show them who you are,

Tell them you belong to me.

Till forever and after.

THE DEMONS OF DEPRESSION

Have there been days in your life when you did not want to get out of bed. Not because you were lazy, but because you did not have the motivation to do so.  You feel like the weight of the entire world is crushing you down and there’s nothing you can do about it. So you just lie there, thinking is it all worth it?

You start contemplating your place in this world, thoughts like the world would still go on enter your mind. And the worst part is that you agree with them. There are voices in your head that push you deeper into a spiral of self-loathing.

There comes a point in your life when you feel like its not worth it at all, the daily suffering, the pain but most importantly the nothingness of it all. The feeling that nothing matters at all, and that’s when you know that you’ve reached rock bottom. At this point you want to give up but its important to remember that now the only direction you can go is up. Its important to keep fighting the hardest at this point.

Sure, you’ll have moments where you see no way and the only option is to end it all. Be strong in the moments you want to be weak. It’ll take time but you’ll finally get to a place where the world appears a little more brighter and a little less sad. There will be people who’ll help you get there. All you need to do is remember that you are important, you are needed and that you matter.

‘ I was here, I exist. I’m alive because I bleed’- Maggie Stiefvater

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NIGHT TERRORS

Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night, sweating, shivering, terrified of the darkness and having no idea where you are? You’re on the verge of a panic attack and all your thoughts are a big mess? When you start to calm down, you get scared, not of the monster under your bed, but of the monsters who reside in your heart and take complete control of your being at night. You try thinking happy thoughts but the only thing playing on your mind, on repeat, are all the wrong things. The intensity of all this scares you. You feel like you’ve been kissed by a dementor and every good memory has been sucked out of you.

You’re sweating and your skin is sticky, but you’re still shivering. It’s dark, so dark. Realization hits you hard, the dark that you are so afraid of is your only solace. You lie awake in your bed well into the early hours of the morning. And slowly, when you fall into the arms of sleep, your demons are waiting as always. That night you cry yourself to sleep, again.IMG-20160822-WA0016